How’s life with you today? The sun is coming out again in Perth…spring is coming! I love the winter, I love the contrast to the hot summer months, but I find I do long for warmer days come August. If you are a gardener (which I am not!), then I imagine this is a great time for you! Time for planting, clearing the weeds, turning the soil….
And in a way, when we do this in the garden, perhaps we could also do this with our thoughts?What old mindsets could benefit from a bit of weeding? What seeds can be planted in our thinking which would grow into beautiful flowers in our thought life?
One mindset I have pondering recently, which I think could do with a bit of weedkiller, is the idea that we have something to prove.
There are lots of ways we can set up our behaviours (and life in general) to answer that incessant need. Sometimes we feel we must prove we are good people, or that we are lovable, or that we are good enough. We could be trying to prove that someone else, but essentially the person we are trying to convince is ourselves.
It has a funny sort of effect, this driver, or motivation. First, it can take all the joy out of an action, or behaviour. It does this because the “I need to prove…. I am good, or worthy, or kind, or …. Or…. or…” (fill in your own blank here) tends to be insatiable. That is, it is never really satisfied. Yes, you may have proved you are good enough right now…. until next time.
And this is where the ‘what if’ game can be a lot of fun to play.
I am lovable and loving
I am good enough
I am worthy
Quite apart from my behaviour?
Quite independent of my achievements? Or my mistakes?
As a stable part of my humanity that is always true about me?
I can hear your objections already! 😊 “But but but…you don’t know what I’ve done, what people have said to me, how I’ve messed it all up….” Or “If I don’t use that as a motivator, I would never do anything at all…”
Friends, we have it all backwards. We need to start from a position of good enough, and operate from that stable base.
Making mistakes is the wonderful part of life really. I believe that part of the joy of life is learning and growing, and how can we learn and grow unless we get it wrong sometimes? Does making mistakes have to mean that we are, at our core, somehow unworthy?
If you could begin to believe that no matter what you do, you are lovable, worthy and good enough, then you can begin to enjoy your participation in life. Take exercise as a simplistic example. This can easily turn into an activity which centres around something to prove. This can be one of the reasons we start and stop so much. The anxiety around fitness and health grows, we feel unworthy so we exercise for a little bit, the anxiety goes away and we stop. What if, believing you were good enough no matter what you engaged in exercise just for the joy of it? Just because it feels great to move around, sleep and energy levels improve, eating healthy feels easier?
What if, believing you were lovable and loving no matter what, you were kind and thoughtful simply for the joy and fun of it? You followed your instincts to good deed just because it felt good to do it?
Life changes when you change the equation.
I am good enough because I do…. the shopping, exercise, work hard at my job, look after my family…
I am good enough all the time and I do acts of kindness, look after my loved ones, look after myself for the fun of it.
Hope you find this an interesting idea! Come have a chat with me if you want to talk more about it.
And remember, take a deep breath as often as you can.